Nickoli

I’ve bought a new car! See it in all its glory (hold mouse over for description, click for bigger version):

She’s a 0.9 litre Fiat Cinquecento S, and cost less than £200.

Lauren wrote to a big well-known over-priced coffee-drink chain a couple of weeks ago, to complain about their muffins (apparently, they’ve got worse recently), and got a gift card back. Today, Lauren and I have been in to Hanley to spend it.

We also spent some of a gift card I had for BHS, which I’d won in a competition (hot tip: enter competitions on local radio and very late night/early morning national radio – I’ve won about half of all competitions I’ve entered like this). I got myself a summer hat – because I like hats, and I’ve wanted a good summer hat for a while, – and some new sunglasses. That’s what the picture is for. I’ve noticed that I look overweight in pictures recently, even though I’m not. Yet. I am getting there, though. I also got a new handbag and scarf for Lauren.

Dear America,
You are exporting the wrong stuff. We do not want:

1. McDonalds;
2. KFC; or
3. Burger King.

We do want:

1. Marble Slab;
2. Panera Bread; and
3. maybe Taco Bell

Yours, but only in a “this how you end a letter” way, not implying any actual possession,

Nickoli

You shouldn't need telling, but I just feel like reminding everyone: caramel hot chocolate is very tasty. And surprisingly filling. I went into Hanley today, and had one at an over-priced well-known coffee drink place. Also in Hanley: I looked at stationery, and ate at an over-priced well-known sandwich food place. But most importantly, I went with my beautiful wife Lauren. Because yes, I've been married for nearly three years and am still incredibly soppy.

The most entertaining website I've come across in the last few days is fake science, with answers to questions such as "How do helicopters fly?" (Answer: "Spinning rotors wind up the legs, which push off the ground and launch the helicopter into the air.") Just the kind of answers I'll be able to pass on to my son (once he's born and starts asking questions).

Fake science is on tumblr, and I'm also trying it out: I'm nickoli, (not much of a surprise with that name). Tumblr claims to be the easiest way to blog, so let's see if I actually use it.

I was recently asked to complete a survey commissioned by the Conservatives, but got stuck on one of the questions. It asked "Which of the following are major election issues for you?", and one of the multi-tick box options was "Immigration". Immigration is a major election issue for me, partly because of the appalling way so many immigrants are treated, and partly because of how difficult the marriage visa process is. The survey offered no opportunity, though, to clarify why immigration is a major election issue for me. They just seem to assume that everyone that cares about immigration does so in a "oh noes brown people stealing our jobs and benefits and being terrorists" kind of way.

As the husband of a (white) immigrant, I'm pretty sure I've never met anyone who is actually anti-immigration. Everyone I've spoken to has been willing to make an exception for my wife, "because that's different". When I tell people how difficult the immigration process is, they're surprised, and often ask me how all the asians get here - assuming, because they're here, that they must have found some other, easier, way.

So, immigration quotas. How are they going to work? Here's my three point plan:

1. Magically prevent people in other countries being persecuted (to prevent them from needing to claim asylum)


2. Disfigure any British people going abroad, and ban tourism into the UK (to reduce demand for marriage visas)


3. Remove the programmes that we have in place that allow immigrants to fill our skills-gaps (yes, more people will die on the longer hospital waiting lists, as Doctors are a significant number of the highly-skilled immigrants, but they'll be martyrs for a worthy cause).

Of cause, this won't work. Not because we need immigrants, or anything like that, but because if you read the tabloid press (especially the Daily Mail), you'll know that immigrants don't all come from abroad. They must born here, because how else could a gang of eight-to-fourteen year olds be immigrants who came over in 1990s?